COPING WITH A LOSS
“Loss is inseparable. Every day we are dealing with it unknowingly. A lost pen, book, wallet, earring or a lost friend, companion, pal. We cannot part with loss. We can only take time to heal and prepare ourselves for yet another loss.”
-Ms B
Life loses its meaning when we continue just breathing. Life is to live freely and happily. Unfortunately, happiness is a tempting thing. It makes us ride on its back for a few moments, only to prepare us for a greater fall into the dungeons of darkness.
Last evening I met an old man crying profusely, sitting alone on a wooden bench in the park. He didn’t notice me and I couldn’t help noticing his tears. On being asked the reason, he said that he’d lost his wife whom he loved so dearly. I tried to console him but nothing could give him any comfort. All the while he didn’t notice that I was depressed too. I lost a friend back in the hospital when she tried hard to battle the invincible disease.
So, we all have lost someone or will lose one thing or the other in future. Some loses are irreparable and any attempt to get over them too quickly will only make matters worse. Some loses give rise to a powerful kind of an emotional response which take much time to heal. I lost my friend, the old man lost his wife, and someone must have lost his home or a job or an investment opportunity. This way the list is endless.
While we do not ponder much over the loses of petty issues, a grave loss changes the entire course of our life. It affects our lifestyle, the way we communicate with others and our perception. A sharp sense of sadness paralyzes us and we feel losing ourselves in the crowd; jostling harder but getting nowhere. We tend to ask some foolish questions without getting any proper answer. Why me? Why did I lose him? Why did I fail to win? Why not others?
Having no definite idea what others are going through or how tumultuous their journeys are, we make some assumptions beforehand. What we feel inside on losing a possession or a person is nothing but a profound sense of ‘grief’ which makes us disillusioned.
What we experience is a natural reaction and it is not to be neglected but to be ‘lived and shared’. If we give ourselves time to think, understand and analyse, we can prevent ourselves from further mental explosion. In a way, loses act as therapies. Our whole life takes a new shape, we re-model and re-structure it. Relationships change, priorities shift, and we change for the better (in most of the cases). Before the loss, our story was written in a particular way and after witnessing the devastation, the story needs to be re-written. ‘Loss’ can help us to grow in a positive manner if we take it that way.
There are many ways to cope with a loss though these measures can take much time. The intensity of grief is too much for one to easily obliterate it from the memory. You can:
- grieve till you feel enough. Letting out whatever is inside you is very important
- allow yourself to experience sorrow. Don’t stop yourself. Cry. Relax. Repeat the process.
- start knowing more people and their stories. It will enable you to delve deep into their broken, dilapidated lives.
- meditate. Meditation heals both mind and body.
Author’s Note: It’s not easy to cope with a loss but it’s a matter of time. Coping with a loss doesn’t indicate forgetting the person or the thing; it means saving the past memories carefully in a single file of your heart and continuing your journey. Getting healed everyday does the job. You cry. You feel light. You endure. You understand. You change. That’s life.
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